24 Important Lessons in Life That I’ve Learned so Far — Part II
This blog was originally published on November 2, 2020.
The first part of this blog is all about the lessons in life that we naturally realize as we grow older or as we learn from other people. The second part is about the, should I say, “bitter truths” in life that we must come into terms with. These are the things that may be difficult to accept, but it is very important to understand these things to protect yourself in the future.
I’ll explain why life’s full of challenges that require conscious effort from you to get pass through the hurdles. It’s okay to take it easy sometimes, but there will be times when you should be serious, pay attention, and really understand what’s going on.
Life’s not a bed of roses.
1. You can trust some people. But some people, you can’t.
Some people do not show who they really are. Just like not all opportunities are worth trying, not all people are trustworthy. This is an important life lesson that you should learn early on. Do not trust other people too much.
Always think of ways to protect yourself when things go wrong. Everyone wears a mask which is unraveled when things start to fall apart. Just like what I said in the first part of this blog, “There are two kinds of people in the world — the good and the bad. But sometimes, we’re both of them.” It’s okay to be distrustful when you need to. Always be vigilant.
2. Forgive and forget. Or should you?
Do you know the saying “forgive and forget”? Personally, “forgive and never forget” is better.
Let me explain…
“Forgive” the person who did you wrong. When you hold grudge against someone, you are making yourself a prison of your hatred and bitterness. When you forgive, you free yourself from the burden of thinking of the bad things that happened. Forgive them and release yourself from the feeling of heaviness. But this does not mean that you should trust them again.
“…and never forget” does not mean holding a grudge. This means that you should never forget what happened to you as a result of the wrong things that the other person did to you.
To hold a grudge is to hold anger within you. To not forget means that you’re never letting yourself get hurt by other people again. If it’s something that almost put you in jeopardy, forgive, but don’t forget what happened so you can protect yourself from similar people in the future.
Protecting yourself from opportunist people is an important lesson in life that you should always keep in mind. It is true that you hold your destiny. But sometimes, it is also true that other people can jeopardize your life.
3. Not everyone is happy in your presence.
The adage, “When you try to please everyone, you please no one”, is a lesson that you should keep in mind whenever you face other people. I have been in a situation when I always worried about the perception or opinion of other people about me. Being in a mindset of trying to please everyone makes you a slave of people’s opinion hoping that they approve of everything that you do — and that will never happen.
SO STOP. Stop trying to please people and do what pleases you, instead. At the end of the day, you’ll have to live with the rewards or consequences of what you do, not them.
Sometimes, other people simply don’t care. You implant in your mind their possible reactions, when in reality, they simply don’t pay attention. The truth is, other people are busy with their lives — minding their own businesses.
Whatever decision you make, there will always be someone who will be displeased by your presence. There will be people who will pretend to like you. Or people who’ll praise you when you’re around but will discredit you when you aren’t.
You simply can’t fight this reality in life. So since you’ve heard it from me, stop giving a f*** about what other people say about you. That is why it is important to just focus on yourself. Think of yourself first when it matters.
4. Life is unfair.
Not everyone in this world is in the same situation. This reality is sometimes hard to swallow. You may be on the lucky side, or on the unlucky side. Regardless, you’d have to learn how to live with it.
Have you seen beggars on the streets, chronically ill people, or simply people whom you think are just plainly unlucky? And, have you seen people who have everything, who had it easy in life?
No one deserves to be in the unfortunate side, and everyone deserves to be on the lucky side, right? I believe that, too. And how I wish that it were true. But, unfortunately, life’s unfair.
5. You will be a failure.
This chapter of your life is where you’re most likely to take more chances –to take more risks. It’s when you want to grab every opportunity that passes by. But that bold, risk-taker attitude comes with a drawback — inexperience.
You are not guaranteed to succeed in anything you set your mind to. Because of inexperience and lack of knowledge, there is a chance that you’ll fail. And I can attest that failing is 100% normal when you take the leap and try to do something you’re inexperienced with.
In fact, it is the best time to fail because at this age, you’re more likely living by yourself and only for yourself. That is why on the first part of this blog, I mentioned that it’s fine to be selfish. The lesser dependents you have, the bolder risks you can take.
Failures teach you more lessons in life than success. I do believe that if you failed, you don’t go home empty-handed. You’ll bring invaluable lessons with you that no amount of reading materials or advise from other people can teach you.
So, do you consider yourself a failure right now? Don’t fret, because you’ve just ticked another item on the list of things you should learn before you become successful.
That is why it’s important to not forget the lessons failure has taught you. Revisit the times when you failed, understand why you failed, and examine what you can learn from the experience.
6. At times, life is confusing…
Lack of direction, feeling lost, nowhere to go?
Time will come in your life when you’ll feel lost and won’t know where to go. I had this confusing time when I just finished my college degree. I didn’t have a job, and all my friends were moving to law school. Some found jobs where they seem to be happy about. While me? I was working in our family business (with very little salary) while I figure out what I really wanted to do in my life.
While confused, deep inside, I knew what I always wanted to be. I want to be an entrepreneur. One who starts from scratch, and slowly climbs his way to success.
Looking back, I realized that the source of my confusion was that I kept on looking on other people’s victories and I compared myself too much to the point that I wanted to succeed on multiple facets in life just to prove to myself that I can.
It wasn’t a matter of ego, it was because of indecisiveness, excessive curiosity, and lack of focus. I knew what I want to be, but I didn’t have the firm decision to commit to it for the long haul. As a young man who just recently graduated from college, I wanted to do a lot of things, and I wanted to try all of them. It was overwhelming.
Looking back on those days, I can say that CONFUSION IS A PRODUCT OF LACK OF FOCUS AND UNWILLINGNESS TO COMMIT TO A SINGLE GOAL.
7. You are not good at everything, but it’s fine that way.
Learn to accept yourself. So far in my life, I’ve seen a lot of people who hate themselves because they aren’t good on a lot of things. They pity themselves because they can only do very little.
I once had this conversation with a good friend of mine who was taking up law school. She’s on her 4th year now, and about to finish her degree.
She said, “I feel so pressured now.” I asked, “Why?”
“Because if I failed the Bar Exams, I’ve got nothing to do with my life. I am not even good at any other thing, and I don’t know where I’ll go if I failed.”
There are people who knows how to do a lot of stuff aside from their main profession, and there are people who knows nothing outside their professions. Either way, I think that it’s fine.
It’s also okay to choose a few things that you want to be good at and choose one thing you want to be great at. Focus on your main strength and try to master it.
So, back to the conversation I was having:
I said, “Why are you doubting yourself? I know that you’re studying hard to finish your degree so that one day, you’ll succeed. What’s the point of the sleepless nights and mental agony you’ve suffered in law school if you expect failure at the end?”
“I think that you should keep pushing because you’re almost there. Be a great lawyer, and you’ll never have to think that you’re not good at anything else.”
I believe that it’s better to be great at something, and fairly good on other things than to be good at a lot of things, and great at nothing.
8. You will lose confidence in yourself.
If at this age you’ve dared to try new things and experienced several failures, you’ll feel like an exhausted fighter in a boxing match. You’ll start to question if your punches are still hurting the opponent, or if you can still remain standing for the rest of the fight.
In short, you start to doubt yourself, your abilities, and knowledge. You might even end up asking if you’re still pursuing the right thing.
Let me tell you this: whenever you encounter failures in life, doubts are normal, and losing confidence is normal, too. And even if you lose the match, your story doesn’t end there. Unless you decide to give up.
Life’s not a single bout that will decide everything that’s ahead of you. Life’s a series of matches that you have to face. Sometimes you’ll win, and sometimes you’ll lose.
But even if you encounter losses in your life, always remember what Mark Cuban said, “It doesn’t matter how many times you fail. You only have to be right once and then everyone can tell you that you are an overnight success.”
You’re lucky if there’s someone who always motivates you, but if you have no one to say that to you, here’s what you need to hear:
“Get up there, pick yourself up, and keep going. Take another shot to make it right!”
9. Ther are people who are bound to stay, and there are those whom you have to let go.
An ugly reality in life that you must learn to deal with is that not all people in your life are bound to stay forever. There will be some who will choose to leave you, and some that you will have to let go. As sad as it may be, nothing is permanent — this includes the relationship you have with some of the people around you.
Sometimes, you have to let go of people from your life — not because you want to, but sometimes, because you have to. Letting go teaches us invaluable lessons in life.
There will be people who will leave you. This may be because you’ve done wrong things to them, they chose to be separated from you, or that you just slowly lose touch to one another until the connection fully disappears.
And there will be those whom you have to let go. This may be the people who are not good for your mental wellbeing, the people who left you, people who’ve done bad things to you, and fake friends who did nothing but to tear you down when you aren’t listening.
I had this friend back in college. We always hang out, walked together after class, and studied together before exams. We did many things together. However, there came a time when all he talks about are negative stuffs about other people (gossip), his negative thoughts (he became a severely negative thinker), and all the bad things happening in his life.
In short, it was no longer fun to spend time with him, and it came to a point that I decided to keep my distance because I’m starting to be affected by the negative things he’s talking about. So, for my sake, I had to step away.
He’s still my friend, but I seldom spend time with him. I didn’t say anything bad to him, didn’t badmouth him, nor did I confront him. Some things are better left unsaid.
Letting go does not mean cutting ties. Just keep your distance. Don’t burn bridges.
10. You cannot control people, and don’t let other people control you.
As you meet new people, you’ll encounter those who want to take control of everything — even the people around them.
More often, this happens to those who are in a relationship. There are people who wants to take control of every aspect of their partner’s life to the point where the latter no longer has the freedom to decide. This may also happen to people who are friends with a manipulative person.
Now, how do you take control of your decisions? It’s simple — learn to say NO.
Sometimes, we give other people a false sense of power over us because we don’t want to, or we don’t know how to decline from a proposal or an invitation. If you always say YES to those around you, they’ll leave you no time for yourself.
Saying NO is among the important lessons that you should be comfortable with so you can protect yourself. I know, as simple as it may sound, saying NO takes courage especially if you’re not used to it. But it is something that you should learn to do.
Here’s how you should think about saying NO:
Your life is yours and yours only. You can spend your time wherever you want to, and no one shall have control over your time and decision except for you. Remember, every minute you unwillingly spend just because you can’t say NO is a minute of your life that you can never get back.
11. Vices will make you broke, or worse, destroy your future.
Bad decisions will ruin your life. If you are addicted to any kind of vices right now, find a way to control it and eliminate the addiction from your system. Find support from your family and friends, or if it’s too tough, seek medical help.
Vices like smoking, alcohol, and drugs, put a hole in your pocket for as long as you’re using them. I have nothing against smokers, I’m sure that they are aware of the fatal effects smoking inflicts to their bodies. But my advice is that if you want to live a healthier life, quit smoking.
Same goes with alcohol and drugs. Alcohol can be considered as the most widely used addictive substance in the world, because primarily, it is legal. I won’t lie, I love beer and whisky, and I do enjoy occasional sessions with my friends. But I am very disciplined with my alcohol intake.
It is okay to enjoy the occasional shots of whisky and bottles of Corona or Heineken (my favorite brands, by the way), but if it’s a part of your daily life and you can’t fully function without it, it becomes an addiction.
I’m not an expert in drugs, but I know that drug abuse leads to undesirable effects to the user, and the people around the user. Truth is, when you get addicted to a harmful substance, even the people closest to you suffer.
Lastly, sex — lust. Again, I’m no relationship guru, but too much of something is bad. I won’t lecture you with the rightness or wrongness of sexual intercourse, rather, I’ll just remind you that if you do it, do it safely, and do it with someone you love.
12. Work in silence.
Pursue your goals in silence. You do not need to show the world what’s happening to your life, although social media sites nowadays encourage people today to do just that.
As I mentioned, failure is a part of life. No matter how positive you are, there’s always a probability of failure. And believe it or not, there are people out there who are waiting for you to fail. You don’t want them to rejoice, right?
Skip the publicity on everything that you want to pursue. Your Instagram followers aren’t a part of your journey, so skip the IG stories, and get to work FOR REAL.
Conclusions
So, what made me think that it is important to share these life lessons to you?
It’s because at times, some people go the wrong way unintentionally because no one speaks to them about the sad realities of life. And I felt that it’s important to share these lessons in life because many people need to know that life’s not a bed of roses.
For me, it’s a combination of triumphs, heartbreaking events, excitement, stagnation, joy, sadness, expectations, disappointments — in short, life is as volatile as the stock market.
But despite all the sad realities that I mentioned, life’s generally beautiful. There’s nothing greater than to feel alive. And although life is not perfect per se, how you look at it will make a big difference.
This two-part blog can serve as your manual or guide as you go through with your life. Keep these lessons in mind, and I’m sure that you’ll be more prepared, and you’ll know what to expect in the future.
I hope that these will be as helpful to you as they were to me.
